Ok, so I'm intentionally NOT writing every day, because I want to be consistent. I understand that that sentence makes very little sense. What I mean is, I know I would never (ooooh, dangerous word) keep up a daily routine of talking about this journey, so I want to keep up a consistent routine of posting, which means I want to hold to an every couple of days routine. My excessive use of the word "routine" both makes my little writing heart die, and my more mischievous side just want to randomly start using the word "routine" all of the time...you might even say, in a routinely manner. Oh mylanta, that has to stop. See which side wins?
New paragraph, in hopes that the prior paragraph gets erased from all memory.
So here's what made me break my own unspoken code of "you will not post again on Sunday, you will not post again on Sunday", I looked at my blog stats. I looked at my blog stats, and 67 of you lovely people have looked at my blog since yesterday afternoon. Sixty Seven (and no, that doesn't count my own neurosis going back and looking at the blog every 45 seconds to see if anyone commented, and then basing my own acceptance and self worth on that answer, otherwise the number would be like 1,200 page views, and clearly it wasn't. That, and there's this lovely little button that blogger has that says, "don't count my own page views", which is nice because it means I'm not the only neurotic one out there hoping that a blog makes me feel loved). But alas, the comments remained blank, though I did get a tweet from my friend Cody! Hooray! And a "like" or two on facebook, and even a comment on there! I AM loved! I AM loved!
So here's the sick and twisted part of this. Though I am being very silly, and hopefully that is obvious, there is actually a danger in writing blogs, to begin to let your comments, retweets, and page views dictate your mood and heart. So, I wanted to get this out there early on: I am going to do my very best to not let this happen. But I know me. I'm still the girl who weighs herself *nearly* every day (this is a step in the right direction since it's no longer absolutely every day) and often times allows the number on said scale to affect me way too much. Everybody says get rid of the scale, but that's not happening any time soon.Would it be healthier for me? Of course. But here's the deal, I don't want to use this blog to paint the bright and shiny portrait of a girl who conquers this problem of weight loss one pound at a time! I repeat, I don't want that. I want to use this blog to tell honest stories of a girl who is really working her butt off to beat a life long issue, and sometimes gets her own butt handed to her...ok, who's kidding...more often than not gets her but handed to her. And sometimes by my own mind. So this means frequent confessions to the not so pretty side of weight loss. As Elisabeth Elliot says, "It's not about ending the struggle, it's about struggling well". Or as The Village Church says, "It's ok to be jacked up, it's just not ok to stay there".
SO! Here's to being excited that 67 people decided to read my silly thoughts, but never letting the posts where a big fat zero people view it ruin my day. Or at least not hacking my roommate's facebook account to go to my blog to increase my page views, and thereby my self esteem.
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